Can I be straight with you? It’s bullshit, plain and simple. Sorry for cussing but these things make me so mad. I see them plastered all over my facebook, tumblr, twitter, and instagram feeds ALL THE TIME. And it’s so, so, so, so, wrong because of:
- Regardless of what I was wearing at that moment, and I dress pretty modestly most of the time, I have received unwanted and unnecessarily disgusting advances from men. And they we’re disgusting and unwanted. The most recent time I remember I was wearing a TURTLENECK.
- It completely takes the blame off of the man for the way he treated the woman. No matter what the woman is wearing, it is NEVER EVER an excuse to treat her with disrespect and I shouldn’t have to say this but it’s NEVER EVER okay to rape her or anyone…EVER.
- Men, I get that you are a little more visual than us girls, but I’m tired of that excuse. You control your own mind and where it goes. Nobody else can. That girl who wore this or that piece of clothing that totally caused you to lust is still not to blame. Maybe you can’t control the first look but you sure as hell can control the second look and the third look and the fourth and so on.
- Do I have to say that regardless of what I’ve worn or what my friends have worn we have received unwanted attention from men?
This is what is so wrong with the way modesty is taught in church. It all rests on the girls shoulders. Never on the mans. It’s never the guys fault that he said that inappropriate comment to the girl. It’s hers, because of what she was wearing. It’s never the guys fault that he lusts, it’s the girls, because of what she is wearing. It’s never ever the guys fault, it’s always the girls.
And it’s so so so wrong and it makes me sick to my stomach and so sad. Sad because for the longest time I believed it and it makes me sad because so many girls believe it and it won’t ever be NOT taught at church.
I believed for the longest time it was my fault I received the attention I did. Maybe my shirt was to low cut, maybe my skirt was to short or I was wearing to suggestive of makeup. It wasn’t until my recent years that I began to question what I had been taught about modesty.
It wasn’t my fault my boyfriend at the time decided that he wanted to have sex with me and he wouldn’t take no for an answer. It wasn’t my fault that he said very crude comments to me. It’s not my fault that I receive unwanted advances from men or crude comments or have to listen to dirty jokes. It’s not my fault and it’s not yours.
GIRLS: IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT THAT YOU WE’RE TREATED THE WAY YOU ARE. REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU WEAR, WHAT YOU SMELL LIKE, HOW YOU CARRY YOURSELF OR WHAT YOU DO, YOU DESERVE RESPECT. NO MATTER WHAT. DEMAND IT.
GUYS: GROW UP AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS. STOP PERPETUATING THE THEORY THAT IT’S THE GIRLS FAULT FOR WEARING SUGGESTIVE CLOTHES OR MAKEUP FOR HOW SHE GET’S TREATED. IT’S NOT. IT NEVER WILL BE.
This needs to be said as well, it’s not all men. In fact most of the men I’ve encountered in my life have been good and kind. They have been respectful of me and my boundaries and of others boundaries as well. But then there are those who aren’t, and they don’t respect anyone or anything. They are the problem.
*Note, obviously the people I’m friends with who post these things are not posting them in mean spirit. They really believe it’s helpful and true and I can’t blame them for that. But I just wish they would know the damage it actually does. Also, this was aimed more at my Christian audience than my secular one. Christians just don’t seem to get it sometimes. It’s sad.